And, well, it worked. I had a hell of a body.

Now, after the Boone heartbreak, I went a got a few things in my life lined up. I went back to the gym with a group of girls from work. I went and applied to go back to school for air traffic contro, like I had been thinking about doing. I made a final decision on bunking up with some guys from work and getting a house together to save us all some cash. And, I went back to writing. There was a pitfallin there, but, after an arrogant pep talk (‘You’re bigger than that…or, you will be. Don’t let that get in your way.) I got back on the horse with determination running through my blood. My pep talker was right. You can’t get all excited about doing stuff and getting shit in order and then allow one road block to frazzle you.

I booked my hotel in alaska for the Iditarod. I had to pray to Loki that they wouldn’t shut off my electricity before i could scrounge some money from my next paycheck, but I have always wanted to go. So, i booked the hotel. I can live with out electricity and cable if i need to…I’d prefer not to, of course. But eh. It just makes life more…fun.

So, the thigns that put me on the floor, on my knees, crying and feeling miserable, are the things that, a few days later (and probably a few glasses of strong drink later) get me moving with a fire under my ass. There is nothing like heartbreak, and anger and an i’ll-show-you attitude to get you going.

As long as the drinking and drugs don’t kill you during the heartbreak and roadblocks, that is….

Or after a bad break up; “He was a jackass anyway.  Life goes on.”

And it does. As evidenced today and last night.

I rescued Boone about 3 months ago now.  A cute little American Bulldog puppy.  Well, he was already 6 months old and he was 45 lbs, so I guesss little  and puppy are not entirely correct.  But he had een tied up out n a back yard and had gashes up and own his legs from getting himself tanled. 

A friend text me and asked if anyone wanted to rescue a puppy.  Kala needed a friend and I didn’t think it’d hurt.   So I brought him home and named him Boone, after Dan ‘Boone’ Herron from THE Ohio State Buckeyes.

But American Bulldogs have a trait termed ‘Aggressive Loyalty.’  If not trained and socialized right off the bat, the will fiercely protect their owner from everything and everyone.  Not to mention they are a very dominant breed.  Kala is a very Dominant dog as well. 

I should have reserched the breed more.  I should have waited till I was more financially stable.  And, maybe I should have waited until it’s not just me fighting the world.  But, once Boone settled in and was comfortable with his life here, and once he hit 6 months, his dominance began to show.

He and Kala would get into squabbles over bones or toys and he started fighting back, making it harder and harder  to break  the two of them up, and making each squabble a little more scary.  And then his protectiveness kicked on last week.  He would bark and snarl at anyone that came near me and even thogh he knew the ‘no bark’ command, he wouldn’t stop in these cases. 

And then, it took a turn for the worse yesterday and I just knew.  I had had the gut feeling for a while, but I knew I knew last night I had to act on it.  Right after the incident, I took him to the Dumb Friends League.  A no-kill shelter here.  I was bawling the whole time but managed to tell them wht was going on.  One hugged me and the others nodded and helped the process along, letting me know that this is common with American Bulldogs if a person didn’t know how to tain the breed.

I don’t.  I have never had or wanted a bulldog.  I just wanted to rescue him.  I don’t have the breed or training knowledge, I don’t have the money for private lessons he would need. 

And, what he did couldn’t be ignored.  So I left him there, shaking and scared and so sad looking.  And i cried myself sick last night till the only thing that would settle me down was a nice big gulp of Nyquil.  And then I layed o my couch, tears runnign down my eyes feeling like the worst person in the world.

And then Nick called.  He and a bunch of the work kids were out at a club in the city.  the phone passed between three or four different people asking me to come out, come drink come play.  Only Nick knew what had happened, and I just politely declined, trying to keep the tears out of my voice, and told them next time.  Next week.

And then this morning I get all the “Go Buckeyes!!” and “Fuck Michigan” texts from friends and family. 

So, even though my world was turned upside-down for a miserable day, and even though I am crying and upset and feeling like my apartment is drastically quiet and empty, life is happening around me.  People are out clubbing. People are out tail gating. The worst possible thing that people think is going on today is Michigan driving down the field looking like they might score again before half-time.   

Life goes on.  And so, today, I’ll pull my sorry self together, run a flat iron through my spent-the-night-on-the-couch-sobbing hair, and go get some lunch with Jake in the city. 

And I’ll throw another mantra out there: Everything happens for a reason.

Boone is a sweet, sweet, cute as hell puppy.  He has a lot of energy and a lot of love to give.  He deserves a house with someone that can turn him into that awesome dog he wants to and can be.  He deserves a place that at least has a yard, not a tiny, cramped apartment.  He may need surgery on his hip  in a few years and he deserves someone that can afford to give him what he needs when he needs it. 

And, now that it is apparent that the agresive loyalty does run through him, he will go to a rescue that knows just how to train him.  And he will go to a person or family that will be keen to the breed and all that it requires and likes and wants.   So, there it is.

 I do.

Or, more accurately, Kala does.

I explain it simply as ‘she’s a rescue.’   And it is mostly due to that, I honestly believe.  And, the fact that her and I share a common personality; we don’t like people in our faces or bothering us if we don’t want to be bothered. 

Dogs just express it differently.

Like bared teeth and a nasty snarl…and maybe even a little more hostility if they don’t get the picture. And, that’s all she did. She was getting along fine with another dog. But one or two got in her face and she backed them off, but some lady freaked the fuck out. She yelled at me to get my dog out of there. ‘Goddamit, get our dog out of here!” is what she said word for word.

I just leashed Kala and Boone and left. There was no point in turning around and telling her that maybe it was her dog that had the problem. And maybe her dog should stay out of Kala’s face.

No. Not point in trying to talk sense to some senseless crazed woman.

But, I do need to get a place with a yard. now that I have to beasts of dogs, it would be ideal.  And, if i had a yard, I wouldn’t have to expose Kala to such angry people. That can’t be good for a rescued dog.

Remeber when I went to that wedding with a friend and inapropriately slept with some random guy and my friend wouldn’t speak to me?

Well, he finally spoke to me the other night.  Ok, not so much as spoke to me as texted me. And he wasn’t even looking for me, he was asking if my houseguest was around. 

When I told him I was out walking the dogs, I received radio silence in return.  For nearly a half hour I sat, a little irked that he would even bother talking to me at all if it was just to ask if my houseguest was around.  I couldn’t understand the logic behind that.  I get the silent treatment for 4 months and finally, when he does want to say something, it’s to ask where the houseguest is??  Why??  Why make that effort?

Then I considered the possibility that he was using that as an excuse to begin talking to me again.  You know, a litte small talk here, some chit chat there.  And finally, 30 minutes later he sent another text, saying  “sorry to bother you”. 

I replied right away that it was no problem at all.  But then his last and final text got me. 

“why did you have to ruin shit?” it said.

I felt my face flush and snapped my phone shut right away.  The line caught in my head.  Ruin shit??  Ruin shit??

He and I have been through a hell of alot in 10 years.  A hell of a lot.  I have a hard time believing, and it actually makes me pretty damn angry, that he would think me sleeping with some guy at a wedding when he and I are both totally single would be what he thinks would ruin our friendship.

Please.  It took him 4 months to say that?  Really?  I think, eventually, he’ll talk to me again.  But it really is starting to irritate me now.   It took me less time to talk to him again when he took a 6 hour road trip to see me, left my party to sleep with some other girl, then came back to my apt, told me it wasn’t what I thought and had wild school girl sex with me.

That was probably my mistake.  Because, according to his time line here, I really should have taken about 6 years to speak with him again.  Boys are silly.

But that wasn’t enough.  I finished my mocha and decided I was in the mood for a beer.  Why?  Well, one could argue that it is a football saturday and that of course you shold wake up and start drinking early.  But that would also be a damn lie.   My team has lost their chances at a National Championship and I am pissed at them right now.  So, the TV isn’t on, even though Kirk Herbstreit is on there somewehere with his pretty eyes and gorgeous face and that voice that….well, the TV is off.

No, I felt like having a beer and I went and got some coronas and I am sitting in front of my fire at 20 till noon on a Saturday, drinking for no reason other than that I can.

It was a discussion I had with the boys at the bar after work yesrterday.  One guy ducked out because his wife was pissed at him from the night before.  And another one sipped his beer and fretted over this crazy broad he knows.  And I….well, I just smiled at them and laughed when they told their silly stories. 

I am free and clear of all that.  I have two dogs that willl drive me crazy once in a while, and a house guest that can make my apt seem even smaller than it is, but other than that, I am footloose and collar free.  I have no husband that I am commmitted to.  I have no children that take up all my time and freedom.  And the only crazy responsiblity that I have is a job.  Just one job.  No more of the crazy work two jobs and still have no money. 

Some people would think all that sounds kind of boring and unfulfilling.  But believe me….right now, I am soaking it all in. 

Life is not easy.  I understand that like no other.  And I am riding out the quiet before the on coming storm.   

But today, this quiet, crisp morning, I am going to finish my beer and then take the dogs to go run around in a river for a few hours.  Sounds like a good Saturday to me, football or no football